Parallel Structure

What am I you ask? I am anything and everything your mind can ponder. I am a professional, and an amateur water polo player, and have aquired a super bowl ring from the last 18 years. Coaching, playing, and reffing are my specialty in any and every sport, including backwards binoculars soccer. I watched Mary give birth to baby Jesus, I am the father. I met Buddha twice, and I am mentioned in the bible. I am on a peacekeeping mission in a war I started with only 50 ants and 4 Cheapets and I take long walks through war torn countries.  On Monday I sit in my apartment that smells of rich mahogany and read leather bound books, on Tuesday I talk to famous dead people, on Wednesday I slip into a diabetic coma, even though I am not diabetic, on Thursday I count cards in casino's, and on Friday I play chess, yes just chess. 

What I am is not nearly as interesting as what I am not.  I am not part of a terrorist organization, I am not born in April, and I am not slightly ill.  Flowers do not grow for me, entire colonies of platypuses grow and I use them in dog shows. I do not have a mascot, I do not own a sports team, I do not have employees, and I do not have a boss. I do not bark at dogs and I do not meow at cats, and I do not have a college degree.

Now I will take Ghandi cliff diving and take the members of P.E.T.A hunting, I will make Mr. Corrie like the Canucks and Ms. Searcy like the Bruins, and I will win an academy award.  Steven Harper will look to me for advise and Barrack Obama will look to me for a good time, and lastly I will get into College.

Who I am and what I have done are the subject of this application, but what I will do will surely be of more importance. Your campus will be my territory and I will guard it with my life.


Sincerely,
Descendant of Knights, Father of warriors,

Zac Thompson

Letter Of Concern

Mr. Kleats @ Central High School
123 Main Street, Sportstown, British Columbia
V2A 1W3.

Hello Coach Kleats, thank you for taking the time to read this email and congratulations on your recent win. I am the father of your starting striker Dave Biznazty, and I appreciate the playing time and success of the team, but I just have a few concerns.  I know that being a coach is a hectic and emotionally demanding job, but I would really appreciate it  if you could use more care while talking to the players.  My son has come home distraught about the way that he has been addressed by you, and I know that you want or players to feel the thrill of winning, but I know that there may be a better way to go about it.

I also decided to sit in on a practice, and although I know that you have a busy schedule I think that our players deserve someone who arrives on time.  I do appreciate everything you have done for our team and am willing to do anything that you need to help to make your job easier.  Also practices are disorganized, and again I will be happy to help you in any way. I have done some research and have found some great drills for the team. 

Thank you very much for taking the time to read this letter and if you have any more concerns feel free to let me know at the next practice.


Sincerely, Zac Thompson