Parallel Structure

What am I you ask? I am anything and everything your mind can ponder. I am a professional, and an amateur water polo player, and have aquired a super bowl ring from the last 18 years. Coaching, playing, and reffing are my specialty in any and every sport, including backwards binoculars soccer. I watched Mary give birth to baby Jesus, I am the father. I met Buddha twice, and I am mentioned in the bible. I am on a peacekeeping mission in a war I started with only 50 ants and 4 Cheapets and I take long walks through war torn countries.  On Monday I sit in my apartment that smells of rich mahogany and read leather bound books, on Tuesday I talk to famous dead people, on Wednesday I slip into a diabetic coma, even though I am not diabetic, on Thursday I count cards in casino's, and on Friday I play chess, yes just chess. 

What I am is not nearly as interesting as what I am not.  I am not part of a terrorist organization, I am not born in April, and I am not slightly ill.  Flowers do not grow for me, entire colonies of platypuses grow and I use them in dog shows. I do not have a mascot, I do not own a sports team, I do not have employees, and I do not have a boss. I do not bark at dogs and I do not meow at cats, and I do not have a college degree.

Now I will take Ghandi cliff diving and take the members of P.E.T.A hunting, I will make Mr. Corrie like the Canucks and Ms. Searcy like the Bruins, and I will win an academy award.  Steven Harper will look to me for advise and Barrack Obama will look to me for a good time, and lastly I will get into College.

Who I am and what I have done are the subject of this application, but what I will do will surely be of more importance. Your campus will be my territory and I will guard it with my life.


Sincerely,
Descendant of Knights, Father of warriors,

Zac Thompson